it's the fact that i've been collecting lately, collecting sheets and silverwear and recipies. i've learned to run a dishwasher, i've learned to get up when my alarm goes off and to turn the heat down when i leave the house. i've been giving people advice on how to spend their money, and to check for cracked eggs before buying a carton. my mom taught me that. i've even started telling the people i love that i'm leaving. i don't think anyone actually believes me. dad says there is enough of a desert in bend. i don't think he understands. by the end of summer i'll get to somewhere i can breath.